Shameless and Loving It

Posted: May 3, 2014

I’ve heard it said that to embrace one’s sexuality is to dance with danger. Further, to talk about it openly is to cause one’s life to become a living Hell where you lose everything, especially your credibility as a respectable human being. There are some cultures that thrive on shaming and the concept of shame, and North American culture is one of them. Certainly not the worst, however, let’s face it, for all of the progress we’ve made as far as human rights and diversity are concerned, especially over the last fifty years,  we’re still a shame-based culture, especially concerning all things sexual.

It seems we still have a problem with heterosexual Missionary-Position sex, let alone absolutely anything that’s different. And yet, we are a culture that is sex-obsessed, we use it to sell products, we use it as power, it’s pervasive in our movies and television series’, we even participate on the down low. But we don’t shamelessly celebrate it. I would hazard a guess that the fear is, we will burn in Hell for eternity should we deign to do so. We fear sex and its power and we loathe those that celebrate their sexual power openly.

Case in point: there is a wonderful essay written by gay porn star Conner Habib called, What I Want to Know is Why You Hate Porn Stars?

I believe everyone should read this because it gives the view from the other side of the camera, and it’s a fascinating read about how people react to folks like Conner, who openly and unabashedly celebrate their sexuality for the world to watch. And watch, they do…when nobody else is around, of course! It’s about how porn stars feel the judgments, the ridicule and the shunning of others, especially from those in the gay community…a community to mind ought to know better.

I am learning the joys of being shameless and the wonderful doors that can open when one feels no shame. Things like: my getting a cam gig on Streamate, or promoting my books and articles and shamelessly putting myself “out there.” Yes, it was scary at first, but only because I was outside of my comfort zone. And yes, I’ve felt the judgments for it and certain people have tried to put-me-on-the-spot for things I’ve done, or am doing in the name of shamelessness.

The thing is, since then I’ve experienced that shamelessness, far from being something negative is actually strength. You reach a point where you’re comfortable in being exactly where and who you are and nobody can touch you, well as they may try. Yes, sometimes people can be very hurtful, we are only human, after all, and sometimes words and actions do hurt, especially from people you know…or think you know. Thankfully, the self-haters, (because that’s what all haters are), only have as much power over you as you let them have. And the support I’ve been getting from the majority of folks is far, far greater than the shards of ridicule and vitriol that has been thrown at me.

I say you can throw all of the excuses at me you’d like, the immorality of sex, the credibility one would lose by openly celebrating one’s sexuality, you can even give me the fear of God or the you’ll-catch-a-disease excuse, (no I am not advocating unsafe sex here). What I am saying is that what we consider shameful is actually only fear, usually fear of how others will perceive us, or the fear of the horrible consequences of celebratory sex. It needn’t be that way. But the caveat is, you have to move beyond your fears, which admittedly is a really tough thing to do. It’s a fearsome thing to strike out on your own, but the rewards are more awesome than you could ever imagine because you’re living your life for you and you have that inner peace of mind to show for it.

So doff your fears like you would your clothes, turn up the music and dance naked in the summer rain! WOO-HOO!